Animal I Have Become
by Red Skye
Summary: They didn’t bleed as much in the movies. It didn’t have any meaning in the movies. He couldn’t feel the pain of the bigscreen stars, reading lines somebody else wrote for them and trying to live a fictional life. That’s how he knew he wasn't dreaming.


**_Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or the song 'Animal I Have Become' by Three Days Grace. Self mutilation warning._**

**-Animal I Have Become-**

_**I can't escape this hell.**_

_**So many times I've tried.**_

It was nothing like the movies.

They didn't bleed as much in the movies.

It didn't have any meaning in the movies.

He couldn't feel the pain of the big-screen stars, reading lines somebody else wrote for them and trying to live a fictional life.

That's how he knew he wasn't dreaming.

And it wasn't as hard as he thought it would be.

Just a press and the mark was made; the razor was bloody and there was no turning back.

Bleed and be free. Bleed and be free.

That's what he would tell himself.

It took a while, but he finally convinced himself it was the truth.

Words were useless, powerless. Shouting would get him nowhere. He needed a different way to vent.

32 in all.

_**But I'm still caged inside…**_

He was right handed, so most were on the left arm.

It didn't matter to him.

He just wanted the pain; wanted to watch the hot, red life flow out of his open wounds.

It was already a habit.

He couldn't control it anymore.

But it didn't matter.

Every cut had a significant meaning.

Every cut completed a letter on his left arm.

With a final addition, he had his plea:

**HELP ME!**

_**Somebody get me through this nightmare.**_

_**I can't control myself.**_

Twenty-two lines.

Twenty-two cuts.

Twenty-two scars.

And an even ten on the other arm.

It was a secret obsession.

It was a secret because it had to be.

But secretly, he wished the door of his lonely bedroom would burst open and seomebody would take his razors away, scold him and tell him how stupid he was for doing this.

But he knew that would never happen.

He was an addict.

He was an animal.

_**So what if you can see the darkest side of me?**_

_**No one will ever change this animal I have become.**_

Nobody was there.

Nobody would ever be there.

He wondered if he screamed it out if anyone would respond.

But that would mean admitting it.

Admitting he was stupid.

He wasn't always like this.

There were times when he felt like the happiest guy on earth.

But reality would take its toll.

_Who am I?_

_WHO AM I?_

_**Help me believe it's not the real me.**_

_**Somebody help me tame this animal.**_

She had seen his true form.

That hideous beast he himself was frightened of.

She had accepted it.

Or had she?

How could she accept it so quickly when he still hadn't?

He asked himself these questions as he put the blade to his tough skin.

He couldn't get away.

He couldn't get away.

_**I can't escape myself.**_

_**So many times I've lied.**_

Who was he kidding?

He would be leaving soon and it would all be over.

She would no longer smile at him every morning.

He would no longer force himself to back.

But if it meant he never had to leave her, he would smile for her all the time.

These cuts weren't making him happier.

They were making everything worse.

_**But there's still rage inside…**_

He was sick of lying.

He was sick of pretending.

He was sick of saying everything was okay.

But there was nothing he could do.

Was there?

He could never beat that rat.

The only way to beat him would be to kill him.

And he could never do that.

That was it.

Period.

He was damned as the cat.

He was cursed.

Period.

_**So what if you can see the darkest side of me?**_

**_No one will ever change this animal I have become._**

He didn't care anymore.

She could've been watching him at that very moment and he wouldn't have cared.

Where was his heart?

Where was the cat that had softened up to that Honda girl?

He certainly wasn't sitting on the floor of his bedroom with words scarred into his arms.

Certainly not.

_**Help me believe it's not the real me.**_

_**Somebody help me tame this animal.**_

_Damn!_

The door of his bedroom burst open.

Light poured into his room.

He stared up at Tohru with blood soaking his hands.

She stared down at him.

The worst moment of silence came and went.

"K…Kyo-kun?"

He hated the was she said his name.

He was almost embarrassed.

The door had finally opened and it was nothing like he wanted.

_Wake up!_

_WAKE UP!_

_**Somebody help me through this nightmare.**_

_**I can't control myself.**_

"Tohru… it's not how it looks…"

"Then what is it?"

There was panic in her voice as she shut the door and sat down next to him.

He tried to wipe the blood away but she had already seen it.

"Kyo-kun, how could you?"

She was crying.

She was crying for _him_.

"I don't know, Tohru. I got carried away… I… I don't know…"

"No…"

She took his blood-coated hand and turned his arm so she could read the two words.

"I'm here Kyo. I can't help you. Does that mean anything to you? Does it?"

_**Somebody wake me from this nightmare.**_

_**I can't escape this hell.**_

"It's too late. Just forget it. I've already done it."

_32 times…_

"I would have stopped you!"

Tohru was a mess by then.

"Forget me."

He tried to shoo her away.

"You don't know me, Tohru Honda."

"Yes I—"

"You don't know me, Tohru Honda!"

He repeated.

"You don't know what it's like to thirst for artificial pain! You don't know what it's like to be cursed. You don't know what it's like to be an animal and you never will!"

He was sweating.

Breathing hard.

_**So what if you can see the darkest side of me?**_

_**No one will ever change this animal I have become.**_

"I know what pain is, Kyo-kun."

"No you don't!"

Silence ensued.

"Kyo… I know you're upset… but… but what you're doing isn't making anything better! You… You could kill yourself!"

A smirk spread across his face.

He stared at her.

"Maybe that's what I was trying to do."

Tohru blinked a few times.

"No. No, Kyo! I love you too much!"

_Love._

The _cat_ was… _loved?_

_**Help me believe it's not the real me.**_

_**Somebody help me tame this animal I have become.**_

"Love."

He repeated the word before collapsing into her arms and transforming into a cat.

"I love you, Kyo. I really do."

His bloody paw prints left marks on Tohru's clothes, but she hugged the animal again anyway.

Under the fur, his cuts were no longer seen.

He was content.

For that one moment, he knew he was truly happy.

Because Tohru could help him.

Tohru didn't see him as an animal.

She saw him as a friend.

And that was all he needed.

_**Help me believe it's not the real me.**_

_**Somebody help me tame this animal.**_

_**-Red Skye**_


End file.
